Writing a Letter to Your Ex to Free Yourself

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Sometimes a relationship ends, and you just never got the chance or the guts to say what was really on your mind to your ex. Those thoughts can totally stick with you, like a bad song on repeat, causing all sorts of heartache and stress. And yeah, talking to a therapist can be super helpful, but let's be real, not everyone has the time or the cash for that. But there's this "at-home" way to deal with those feelings and find some relief – writing a really honest letter to your ex. Just pouring out all those unsaid words and bottled-up emotions can really help you let go of that emotional baggage.


Writing a letter to your ex to free yourself


Okay, so to start this healing thing, find a quiet hour when you can be totally alone. Grab some paper and a pen, and get ready to write a letter to your ex, letting your feelings flow in this order:

  1. The name of your ex.

  2. I'm angry with you for ...

  3. I'm upset with you for ...

  4. It hurt me a lot when you …

  5. I am very scared that ...

  6. I am disappointed that ...

  7. I am sad that ...

  8. I am sorry that …

  9. I am grateful to you for …

  10. I apologize to you for ...

  11. I let you go.

  12. I free myself from you. 

So write about each feeling until you feel like you've actually dealt with it, and then move on to the next one. This whole process of letting it out can really help you find some closure and get ready for what's next.

Take this seriously, and just write everything down, even if it sounds crazy at the time. It might take a bunch of pages and a good chunk of time, especially at first. It's totally okay to cry; letting those tears out is part of the healing. Just breathe and really feel what you're feeling.

Seriously, this method can really help. Think of the paper as your therapist and just spill everything out. Go back and read the letter every day, and add more if you need to. Ruminating on those feelings in your head keeps them stuck with you, but writing them down helps you let them go. When you finally feel a sense of relief, you can just toss the letter or even burn it if that feels right.

And this isn't just for ex-partners, it works for ex-friends too. I remember writing down all my anger towards a friend once, and it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

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