Mikhail Labkovsky 6 Rules of a Happy Life

Mikhail Labkovsky is a renowned psychologist whose 30-year practice and personal experiences have resulted in six rules that consistently help people overcome neurosis. Like many professionals in his field, he was motivated to enter the profession due to his own struggles and found success in his work.

Mikhail created his six rules to help people find peace, confidence, and happiness. Although, these rules are known to be quite radical but effective in dealing with neurosis.

Who can benefit from these rules?

The rules can be helpful for anyone who is struggling in life and may not be able to see the positive aspects of the world. However, they are particularly recommended for neurotics, as they often have deeply ingrained patterns of behavior that need to be broken and replaced with new ones.

 It's worth noting that while the rules are designed for neurotics, they assume a baseline of mental health and healthy desires. Any issues related to mental illness should be addressed by a psychiatrist.

It's important to note that these rules focus on communication and action.

Mikhail Labkovsky 6 Rules of a Happy Life:

1. Do only what you want to.
2. Do not do what you don’t want to do.
3. Immediately speak up if you don't like something.
4. Do not answer unless you are asked.
5. Answer only the question you have been asked.
6. When clarifying the relationship, talk only about yourself.

1. Do only what you want to.

Mikhail Labkovsky, "I live in such a paradise and they pay me well for it."

The essence of this rule is that it applies not only to trivial matters like selecting an outfit but also to significant matters such as choosing a career path. The reality is that many individuals engage in activities or make decisions without truly comprehending what they are doing or by acting automatically.

To give an example, think about breakfast. Don't eat what you typically have automatically or what you don't even like. Instead, choose to eat precisely what you want for breakfast. If you crave crabs, go to a restaurant and indulge at 9 a.m. However, to do this, you must eliminate rational motivation. 

Your choices should arise from what you enjoy, regardless of how strange or incomprehensible they appear to others. But be aware that you will have to bear responsibility for the consequences. There are typically two outcomes: you may lose money or your environment may be affected.

2. Do not do what you don’t want to do.

Mikhail Labkovsky: “There are people who just behave like that from birth. They are very confident, and they are not afraid of anyone or anything, sometimes, however, they behave like boors. But they live a wonderful life."

Mikhail Labkovsky believes that some people are naturally confident and unafraid, even if their behavior is sometimes boorish. He describes many people who tolerate things they dislike, such as staying with an unloved spouse or staying in a job they hate.

However, Labkovsky suggests that it is possible to build a life where you tolerate nothing. He acknowledges that his advice is difficult, but he suggests starting with a small, as he says, bad exercise: don't give up your seat on the subway to an elderly person if you really don't want to. 

The goal is to observe your feelings and discomfort in the face of potential condemnation from others. Labkovsky believes that this exercise will help you learn not to bend to the opinions of others and increase your self-esteem.

3. Immediately speak up if you don't like something.

As soon as a situation that you do not like arises, you need to immediately say about it. But you can only talk about it once. You cannot say the following phrases: “I asked you before...,” “We agreed...,” “I told you before...,” “You promised me....”, etc.

When a situation arises that you don't like in a relationship, you have a choice to make. Either the other person changes their behavior, which resolves the issue and improves the relationship, or if they do not, you must decide to say goodbye or stop communicating with them.

It can be a difficult decision, especially if you don't want to lose the person. There is another way out: accepting the situation and not getting upset about the initial reason.

4. Do not answer unless you are asked.

It means not making excuses where it is not necessary. Keep calm and be silent next to another person and do not try to fill the void, especially if there is nothing to talk about. We must learn to bear such discomfort, at first it is difficult, but then the anxiety recedes, and the person becomes self-sufficient.

5. Answer only the question you have been asked.

If you are late for work and they ask you why then answer honestly - I overslept. There is no need to supplement clarifications like “I had guests, I went to bed late” - you were not asked about this, no need to make excuses in advance.
As a last resort, you can always say "There are private reasons, I don't want to discuss this."

6. When clarifying the relationship, talk only about yourself.

For example, instead of accusing another person, you could say "It is unpleasant for me..." or "It makes me uncomfortable...". If you ask "Why are you behaving this way?" it can sound like a complaint and escalate the situation into a conflict. On the other hand, if you speak only about yourself and your feelings, without blaming the other person, you can have a constructive dialogue without creating a conflict.

Michael also always warns that when you change your behavior from anxious-neurotic to stable and healthy, it can lead to losing some people from your environment and some money. For example, when you finally tell your friend that you don't like it when she flirts with your husband, the friend might be very surprised and stop calling you.

Or when you realize that your job is sucking all your energy, you might decide to quit. You have to be prepared for such outcomes, but there are also positive changes that can occur, such as finding new friends, discovering inspiring jobs, and gaining new sources of income.